Toxic potential?
Never thought being too positive would be a bad thing.
Right?
How can that be?
I could proudly turn any situation into something positive, no matter what I was feeling.
I could talk someone down off a cliff.
Find the brighter side!
I thought that was what it meant to be a good person.
It was ridiculous when I think about it now. But for me, being positive meant never being in a bad mood or being a burden with my problems.
Funny how that all bites you in the ass at some point when you start to become honest with yourself and others.
Boy, the people who went running when I started to be less positive.
Toxic positivity became a concept I was forced to face—and uncomfortably accept—throughout this journey of unlearning.”
I painfully learned it was a way I avoided seeing the truth for myself and what others were really showing me. Not what my positive mind thought.
Don’t get me wrong, while being positive has its place. It didn’t mean I had turned it into a negative nellie.
It meant I had to unlearn things that made being positive toxic for me.
The three biggest eye-opening lessons.
- Not feeling my emotions.
Jumping to being positive did not allow me to feel what I needed to feel. There were so many emotions that were stuffed under the guise of being positive. Well, a surprise to me, they came bubbling back up much like a bad lunch. This has left me spending years working through emotions and dealing with a whole lot of trauma. Now I take time and check in with how I am feeling. I acknowledge and sit with it.
- Not letting people be where they were.
Because I thought it was my job to jump in and help people feel better. To be there anytime to listen, check in, and cheer them up. It became difficult to tell who was truly a friend, as many only showed up for a quick pep talk or a fleeting moment of encouragement. Eventually, it depleted me, and I had no energy to lift anyone’s spirits. I realize now that people need to be in their own shit, and it isn’t my job to clean it up. Now I can quickly pick up on who is sucking my energy. I no longer entertain those who are not in charge of their energy. It is tough to lose so many people, but it is an important part of the unlearning journey.
- Not making excuses.
The queen here of making excuses for why people mistreated or acted a certain way. I would think maybe they are not feeling well, or having a bad day, or believe their reasons for repeatedly crossing the line. Even if I tried to reinforce my boundaries, many did not take me seriously or respect these requests. In the past, I would find a way to justify their behavior. This was exhausting, and eventually, I saw people for who they were. Once I stopped making excuses, most dropped like flies.
They aren’t totally to blame, I can see where I played my part in being too available and positive. It led them to think I was always fine, even when I would tell them I wasn’t. While this has been rough to unlearn about positivity, it has been necessary for my healing.
Building this intuitive muscle has taken time and is something most of us were taught to ignore. For now, I take a day at a time, to look for the truth in situations, and assess accordingly.