On Wednesday morning, she looked out the window; as promised, the snow had come down and blanketed the entire area. It looked like pictures of Antarctica. The wind had blown snow halfway up the side garage door, and there were no signs of a driveway. Sparkling, chilling, beautiful, heavy white everywhere.
She felt overwhelmed and anxious about what it would take to get out the door. Does she have the strength, and can her body handle the weight and depth?
While the snow came down in little flakes, it slowly built up to an enormous burden.
She bundled up, headed to the garage, and opened the side door. She hoped it would not be that bad. It was worse!
An unreal sight. She stared at it for quite some time. Then gave the snow the biggest fucking push. It lent an opening. Little by little, she cleared a small space on the walkway. She stopped to think about her children and how they used to clear snow. It usually began with playing and wrestling around in it. She chuckled. Missing them being young and at home. But she was proud of them and the support they had given in the past few months. She felt her heart warm as she continued to move the snow layer by layer, inch by inch, foot by foot. Trying to figure out where the fuck to put it all.
About an hour later, with the walkway done and the arduous task of her side of the driveway ahead of her, she started to think about the snowblower. Wondered why it was not in the garage this winter. He would have never let a winter go by without taking it out of storage to have it ready for these crazy blasts of snow.
She started to become angry and then laughed. Could she even run a snowblower? No. But it was the thought. Why hadn’t she even asked about it? Why did she think she should shovel by hand? Was it a punishment? Or a way to prove something? She decided she was not mad about the snowblower. She was mad about the many times she had not spoken up or asked for what she wanted. She usually would go with the flow. Be nice. Be reasonable. In the long run, it made her weak. Mentally and physically.
Now the storm gave her a reason to be strong and take charge.
After another hour and a half, she decided it was clear enough to get out of the driveway and onto the road. Some drifts were so high that she had to stomp and stomp on them. Hoping it would help prevent her from getting stuck. With exhaustion and a big sigh. She went inside. She had no plans to go anywhere, but at least she had a little area to pull the car out if needed.
Thursday, the wind is blowing 50 mph. The driveway and walkway were covered, but not as badly. She had lost her ambition to go out. It would just have to be ok for now. It was too cold and windy. Her heart was not in it.
She was proud of the work. She had cleared so much, and while there was more to do, she would just have to let it be. She went about her day and even connected with a friend. While on the phone, she heard a beeping noise. She looked out and a neighbor with his Bobcat was clearing the gravel part of the drive, and then moved the snow from the driveway. She chuckled with her friend about how it took him only 10 minutes. But she was relieved and grateful. Things were calming, the sun was out, and she was weathering another storm.